The Rules Blog and Podcast

“P” writes:

From the stench wafting around the cubicles, I’d wager someone’s brought a kipper in for lunch.

To my mind this is grossly inappropriate. I like fish, but I wouldn’t subject my co-workers to such a pungent piscatorial platter.

It’s the second time in as many weeks, and I’m concerned this may become a habit. Honestly, it reeks.

My initial thought was to follow the stink to the evildoer, Bisto-kid style, and initiate a conversation with the gambit, “I didn’t know your mother was visiting the office today”. But I need a more tactful way of putting a stop to this folie du fruits de mer without developing a reputation for being “meal-odramatic”.

Any ideas?

Steven says:

Confrontation is always my first choice in theory but I can never quite manage it. At my former office we had a middle-aged head of facilities who was a legend-in-his-own-lunchtime. He liked nothing more than sending out heartfelt memos about the state of the communal kitchen. I suggest you find your office equivalent and grease them up to send out a memo aimed at “no one in particular”.

In the absence of such a person — and if you fancy a bit of confrontation — how about an email to the whole office: “Inspired by X’s pungent choice today, I’m proposing an office competition to see who can microwave the most evil-smelling lunch. Points will be awarded for the reach, duration and obnoxiousness of the smell. X has set a high standard but I’m sure between us we can come up with something even more rancid.”

If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone…

Miss Rhylla says:

“P” I smell your pain. Methinks this points to a greater problem however. We are doing more and more things at our desk that perhaps would be best carried out in another location altogether. Slurping laksa, trimming nails, scattering crumbs and lord knows what else while we email, make calls and update our Facebook status at the same time. So smells, mess and office disquiet are inevitable.

Famed Aussie enthusiast of all things scientific, Dr Karl, once told a great yarn about how a quick swab test around the average office showed that we would be better off eating off the toilet seat than at our grotty desks.

I am of the view that kippers are inappropriate regardless of whether it’s a toilet or an office cubicle and that an outdoor setting really might be better for all concerned. But maybe you can let your fish-loving friend know that you are worried about their health and suggest they dine in a cleaner, more suitable environment…

I am just off to heat up my anchovy and pepperoni pizza and scatter it around my desk.