The Rules Blog and Podcast

Jake of Just Not Right asks:

If I send a text message to you, is it rude for you to immediately phone me back instead of responding with a text? I am of the opinion that communication should be kept intact unless otherwise noted. For example, I do not phone somebody in response to an email. If I get a text, I text back.

What do you think?

Steven says:

Texts are succinct by their nature. I’m not. For me to type a cogent, well-punctuated one-thumb reply takes an age so I’m going to choose a medium that suits my style. And I think that’s my choice. If you don’t want to wallow in one of my polysyllabic circumlocutions, don’t contact me. And let’s not forget that half of written communication is misunderstood so communication by phone can lead to fewer misunderstandings.

There’s no universal view of texts . Some people think texts are a good medium for everything from “running late” to “you’re fired” or the first “I love you“.* Others, like me, don’t — everyone knows you save that first “I love you” to shout above the noise of the bedstead hitting the wall.

Casual study suggests it’s an age thing. If you had a mobile at school, you’re more likely to find texts suitable for everything than those of us who had to pick up the phone or — gasp — walk round to someone’s door. No one’s right or wrong about that, but communication — like taking the piss out of someone — only works if it works for both of you.

Although I support channel-shifting, it doesn’t cut both ways. If I call you and leave a voicemail, for instance, I might find it dismissive if you jump channels and reply by text. Depending on what we were trying to talk about, I might infer from a phone-to-text swap that you didn’t want to speak to me. Why don’t you want to speak to me, Jake, why?

* NB After the first time, I’ll take “I love you” in any medium I can get it.

Miss Rhylla says:

Ahh Jake… you’ve asked the wrong girl this question. I am not a mad fan of the sms so am likely to pick up the phone at the slightest provocation. It’s often quicker in the end and skips over all those misunderstandings that are so easily created in text messages. Don’t even start me on the perils of intuitive text.

The exception for me is when I know someone is at work or in a meeting (or otherwise unavailable to chat) but needs an update type note - that is where sms comes into its own. I just don’t think it should ever try to replace ‘real’ communication. It’s a great supplementary form of keeping in touch but nothing beats a proper chat, or even better, a handwritten card.

Call me old-fashioned.