The Rules Blog and Podcast

Lauren writes:

I am an American by birth, I am both well-travelled and have an intense affection for the English language. Thus, I speak with an exactness that tends to put some people off. I do not wish to alter my speech patterns to the current sloppy American vernacular. How do I best handle rude remarks, e.g.; “You’re American aren’t you? Why do you talk like you’re trying to sound like the Queen of England?” Any thoughts?

Steven says:

Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, how I hear your song. While I don’t sound like Her Britannic Majesty, I do get pulled up all the time for using “big words”. People, just because you don’t know what it means, doesn’t make it a “big” word.

Some of my friends are fans of functional linguistics, the philosophy that comprehension matters above all. “Give it me” may not be polite or grammatical but if I understand you would like me to give you something, mission accomplished. Speaking of which: George W. Bush would be a poster child for functional linguistics. I’m not a fan but I do understand language is evolving; and, conversely, phrases I think of as modern often turn out to be no such thing. HMQ might think of “hanging out” as a vulgar Americanism, for instance, but Keats was writing in the early 19th century of “hanging out” with his friends in London.

Obviously this is a favourite topic of mine but to get to the point…

I think our answer is in your question, Lauren: exactness puts most people off. I am often confused by someone speaking less than exactly or offended by someone who uses a word incorrectly, not realising the effect it will have on someone who knows what it means. I’ve had many unpleasant rows on the back of these misunderstandings; half the battle being to get the other person to at least understand that I’m not striking a pose: I was truly confused or genuinely offended. I always feel that I come out the loser because those who are not exact will never understand those of us who are. What they will understand is that we’re difficult and hard to be around sometimes.

But enough about me.

My experience tells me you and I, Lauren, are in in the minority. The dictionary — and often logic and reason — might be on our side, but if we want to be happy and move among the relaxed people, we’re just going to have to suck it up and loosen up. Supermarkets will always tell us to “use less plastic bags” (it’s FEWER goddamn it, FEWER plastic bags); Outlook will continue to want to make appointments for 12 p.m. (there is NO SUCH TIME: 12 is the meridian, fools, it can be neither ante nor post the meridian); and some of my friends will continue to use agreed meeting times as guidelines. But I’ll always be glad to see them when they get there.

Miss Rhylla says:

I am going to be dreadfully predictable and come down squarely on your side, Lauren. You are preaching to the choir with me.

You stick to your guns. A love of language and desire to communicate with clarity is a wondrous thing. As is accuracy with an apostrophe.

I venture your hecklers are threatened and confused, so I would caution against cornering them. Simply turn on your heel and take your beautifully crafted sentences with you, no point scattering pearls before swine.