The Rules Blog and Podcast

Jonathan writes:

Why is it that people assume that it is okay to hold another person’s baby? I know they’re cute and all, but excuse me, that is my baby!

One month ago yesterday, my wife and I had our second child. Since then, some visitors (friends, relative, and the like) found an uncontrollable urge to pick up our baby, without asking us, mind you.

Yesterday, my sister-in-law stopped over. She wanted to hold the baby, so my wife asked her to please wash her hands, particularly since there is a rather virulent strain of influenza in our town. My sister-in-law refused to wash her hands, and then proceeded to pick up the baby!

From your podcasts, I understand you are also a father. Could you and Rhylla please help me with this situation?

Miss Rhylla writes:

I confess I do not have a baby of my own but if I had gone to the trouble of bearing a child I imagine I would be somewhat peturbed if someone decided to put their germy, rough hands all over him/her with not so much as a nod in my direction.

In the words of Hilary, it may take a village to raise a child but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the villagers to back off, or at least wash their hands and wait their turn.

As new parents I reckon you should go with laying down the law. Your wife can always claim it was the hormones talking if things get out of hand - but hey. Your baby. Your rules. When you are operating on limited sleep I say you get to make the call.

Can I have a hold now? Let me just put down my vodka tonic and wipe this axle-grease off my hands first…

Steven writes:

Jack, my son, was born in post-colonial Hong Kong and, even in 1998, a white baby was enough of a rarity that people would stop me on the street and ask to be photographed holding him. Some parents I knew refused: they worried that inuring their babies to strangers would stop the baby screaming if it were being abducted; I think better of my fellow man, despite what you might think from reading this blog or listening to the podcast.

As a consequence, Jack has been held in all manner of ways by all manner of people whose health and hygiene I couldn’t vouch for. That said, if I thought one of them was ill or was going to hurt him with shonky baby-handling technique, I’d have refused or swooped down and pulled Jack from their clutches.

No one gets to hold your baby without your permission and no one gets to do it at a time or in a way that isn’t cool with you. I decided as soon as Jack was born that his wellbeing was my paramount responsibility and anyone who put his healthy or happiness in jeopardy could, quite frankly, go @$%! themselves if they didn’t like my intervening.